For example…

The rules to McCurdy Wiffle Ball are so simple that they can be confusing, so let’s look at a sample game:

You have found a suitable yard in which to play your game of McCurdy Wiffle Ball, and have defined your Home Run demarcation. (Rules 1 and 2: No base runners, so no bases and all scoring done by home runs.) You’ve found a spot that will do for home plate- let’s say you have decided to use an upside-down Frisbee as the actual plate.

Your opponent (let’s call him “Tim”) paces off a few steps and starts to throw some practice pitches, all of which are complete garbage. You point out to “Tim” that he may be a little close as his pitches are extremely fast and he actually brushed your shoulder with his hand on that last one, so perhaps he should BACK THE HELL UP and quit throwing crap or you’ll just stand there all day and not swing at anything. (Remember, no called strikes or balls. No swing, no play. That would be Rules 3 and 4- see how simple this is so far?)

“Tim” finally finds a spot where he can get the ball over the plate and after a

few practice swings to make sure the home run line is not too close or too far away, the game is on. Your first hit is a sharp grounder that rolls to a stop about twenty feet past “Tim” and that is Hit #1 for you, and Hit #2 is a similarly hit ball. A few pitches later, you hit a towering fly ball that goes into the trees on the left side of the field. “Tim” calls it as Hit #3, at which time you fling your bat down and scream that the ball went into foul territory and it is nothing more than a strike. A fifteen minute argument ensues and you both finally come to an agreement about where EXACTLY foul territory begins and ends, on both sides of the fields, and have established codicils on particular trees and bushes.

Some people may wonder why you would rather have a strike than a hit, but Rule 5 clearly states that you only get 3 hits in an inning and Rule 2 says that you only score by home run, so a hit is one step closer to the end of the inning and gets you NOTHING! If you take the strike, you get another crack at smacking the plastic (I’m speaking of hitting a wiffle ball- what were you thinking?) and maybe scoring with a long ball. Remember, when you get Hit #3, your at-bat is over. And as it turns out, your next hit (because you agreed that the trees were indeed foul and you get to swing again) is another towering fly ball that seems to be headed out of here, but the wind catches it just enough so that the outfielder (let’s call him “Kevin”- did I not mention the outfielder?) can pluck it out of the air and instead of a hit, it’s an out, which counts as a hit.

So, to sum up your inning: ground ball, Hit #1. Another ground ball, Hit #2. Foul ball, strike. Lots of garbage pitches, then another fly ball, out, which is treated the same as Hit #3. Inning over.

Now the rotation begins, which can be done in any way you wish; typically the batter goes to the outfield, the outfielder pitches, and the pitcher moves in to bat. In this example game, we have three players, each on his own team. That’s one of the advantages of this game- you can have as many players as you want, with a minimum of two. Normally, as more people join, we add in this order: outfield, outfield, catcher, outfield. Your catcher is really there to catch fly pop-ups.

So, anyhow, “Tim” is now batting while “Kevin” is pitching and you are in the outfield. “Tim” hits a dribbler that “Kevin” watches as it slowly starts to roll towards him at the pitcher’s mound. The ball doesn’t quite make it all the way

to him and it is called a foul ball. That’s our rule- a grounder has to get to the pitcher to be a hit, but that is defined by the players. “Tim” flails wildly at the next pitch and he now has two strikes. “Tim” decides that he won’t swing at anything unless it is offered up as if it were on a tee and “Kevin” throws about two hundred pitches, getting more and more visibly frustrated. After another fifteen minute argument (“Tim”: “If you keep throwing me crap, I’m not swinging.” “Kevin”: “Where do you want it? Tell me where you want it and I’ll put it there.” “Tim”:  “Right here, waist high, slightly outside.” “Kevin”: “Well, obviously that’s not true because that’s where I’ve been throwing them.” “Tim”: “Just throw the ball.” “Kevin”:” Just swing at it.” “Tim”: “If you keep throwing me crap, I’m not swinging.” You: “C’mon, let’s go, the bugs are killing me out here!” “Kevin”: “Where do you want it? Tell me where you want it and I’ll put it there.”) “Tim” finally takes another cut and strikes out. (Yes, a swinging strike out is allowed, it’s just called strikes that don’t exist.)

“Tim” flings his bat on the ground and starts yelling at “Kevin” who starts to scream back and after yet another fifteen minutes, “Tim” picks up the bat again- remember, all he has so far is a single out- and swings angrily at the next pitch from “Kevin”, who, to be honest, is truly throwing a lot of garbage, and hits a high pop-up to the pitcher’s mound, where “Kevin” catches it.

Now “Tim” has two outs and guess what? His inning is over- Rule #5: each inning is 3 hits or 2 outs. There is great gnashing of teeth and throwing of plastic bats and oaths of revenge but after the obligatory fifteen minutes of recriminations and accusations, the rotation begins and now YOU are on the mound, throwing to “Kevin”, while “Tim” is out in the field behind you, shouting at you to make sure you throw the same type of puppy-poop that “Kevin” threw to him and let’s see how he likes it. “Kevin” hits your first pitch to him high and hard and it lands squarely in home run territory. “Kevin” has just taken the lead: since he is the last one to hit in the inning, the game is scored as 0-0-1.

“Tim” retrieves the ball and instead of throwing it to you, he walks it back and gravely tells you that you need to quit throwing like a girl. You throw your next pitch and it too is launched like a rocket. “Tim”, who is still walking back to his position, hears the crack of the bat, turns and leaps to catch the ball as he glimpses it flying by. He manages to make some contact with the ball, but in doing so actually nudges it a little farther and it, too, drops in for another home run. It may have fallen short except for his assist but no matter- it first hit the ground in home run territory. 0-0-2.

“Tim” again walks the ball back to you and earnestly tells you that you are the worst pitcher he has ever seen and next time to wait until he is back in position before you throw the ball. As soon as he turns to go back to the outfield, you pitch again to “Kevin” who hits yet another boomer. “Tim” runs as hard as he can and actually catches the ball, but he has one foot past the home run line, which means the ball is automatically counted as a run. 0-0-3. That’s 3 hits for “Kevin”, so his inning is over. By the way, you really are a pathetic pitcher.

It’s now the top of the second inning, your turn to bat again and “Tim” is back on the mound. You get a good smack and a long fly ball that hits before the home run line, then rolls over the line before it can be touched by “Kevin”. Sorry- that’s only a hit. It has to fly over the line, not walk. Your next hit is clear over the line, then you fly out. One hit, one run, one out- that’s three and your inning is over. 1-0-3.

The game progresses and in inning 9, the score is 5 (You)- 6(“Tim”)- 8 (“Kevin”.) You get three hits and you are done- 5 runs is it for you. “Tim” gets two quick hits, both grounders. He has one more hit to go and he is one run behind, but his last hit is a home run. Ordinarily, the inning would be over and “Kevin” would win, but now the LAST HOME RUN RULE  is invoked (Rule 8.) The following conditions have been met: a. it’s the last inning, b. “Tim” is behind in the score, c. his last hit of the inning was a home run. That means “Tim” can keep batting, as long as he hits home runs!

And that’s exactly what he does- he hits three more home runs, then hits a ground ball, but now the score is 5-10-8. “Tim” has taken the lead and now it’s the last at-bat for “Kevin”.  “Tim” hands you the ball and begs you to at least TRY to throw some decent pitches and, most importantly, to PLEASE wait until he is in position in the outfield so he can play some defense but while he is telling you this, you pitch to “Kevin” who promptly hits the ball 300 feet, which is about 200 feet past the home run line and you and “Tim” (who seems completely stunned) both stand on the mound and watch the ball disappear into the sun. 5-10-8.

“Tim” throws his hands up in disgust and after retrieving the ball, insists that he is pitching the rest of the inning to “Kevin”. After fifteen minutes of arguing,you and “Kevin” finally convince “Tim” that this would be an egregious violation of the rules and he resignedly returns to the outfield, where he watches in amazement as you actually strike out “Kevin” twice to end the inning.

The game is over and “Tim” wins it with the LAST HOME RUN RULE. Final score: 5 (you)-10 (“Tim”)-9 (“Kevin”). You are expected now to accuse him of cheating, which you do quite vociferously,  while “Kevin” loudly questions the validity of the LAST HOME RUN RULE. Do not be alarmed, grasshopper- this is McCurdy Wiffle Ball and all is well.