Colin

We occasionally add new family members, and they in turn become new players. Colin, our new brother-in-law, is just such an example. He came to Webster for the first time in 2012. Colin is British, which caused some concern to Tim.

“Great” he said, “a foreigner. How are we going to understand him? Do we have anyone in the family that even speaks British?” We tried to explain to him that English was actually Colin’s mother tongue, but  every time Colin would say something, Tim would get confused.

Of course, Colin had never played American baseball before, let alone McCurdy Wiffleball, so the first time he came to the plate, he assumed a cricket stance, which completely befuddled Tim, who was pitching. “Is this right?” asked Colin, causing Tim to turn to us and ask “What did he say? Does anyone speak British?”  “Seriously?” asked Kevin. “It’s English, for crying out loud. He’s asking if he’s standing right.” Meanwhile, Colin’s teammates were helping him with his positioning. “Is this better?” asked Colin, which caused Tim to burst into tears. “Why is he speaking gibberish? I don’t understand his mouth words.”

After we assured Tim that we would help him translate any further conversation (and quietly asked Colin to treat Tim as gently as he would any other dumb animal), the game got underway. Colin’s first swings were terrible- he struck out on three straight pitches from Tim, all of which were junk anyway because of the tears still in his eyes, and the constant heaving from his sobs. The next at-bat was much better- he actually made contact, even if it was just a dribbling ground ball. After that, though, Colin was hitting with authority, and it was plain to see by everyone that he would be soon be a force to be reckoned with.

“Augh!!! I can’t find British!”

Except for Tim- he was searching the Rosetta Stone website.